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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442252">one plus one is none</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wdzcobi/pseuds/wdzcobi'>wdzcobi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Post-Break Up, Slice of Life, alternative universe, side juric but very small</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:36:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442252</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wdzcobi/pseuds/wdzcobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jacob learned that adulting forces you to make choices beyond your willingness – for your own sake and for the sake of the one you love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae, Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>one plus one is none</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello this fic was not the one i was meant to post today but the other one came out bad :( i hope you dont mind the angsty milcob on valentine's day &lt;3 i hope you enjoy! </p><p>loosely based on sober by mahalia</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jacob learned that adulting forces you to make choices beyond your willingness – for your own sake and for the sake of the one you love. It was not supposed to hurt this much. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>chose this. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the one who broke up with Hyunjae. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>ended it all. Jacob was selfish. Always got what he wanted and more. He’s a hard-worker, sure. A person who strived to squeeze every bit of life and soak in its essences.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It started slowly but surely. Each time he would come back from work, something from their...</span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> flat was missing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, it was the big articles, like his computer and monitors that were perfectly set up in their shared office. The adjustable lights in the room were the only thing left hanging in the corner he had made his. Jacob’s side of the office still remained untouched, his desk filled with designs and architectural textbooks he thought he was never going to use in the real world but they still remained helpful in his career.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t burn them,” Hyunjae had said to him on the day he got his results back. Top of his class and a paying position guaranteed at one of the top high street property developers. “You’ll never know when you’ll need them...and your notes in them are cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been sitting at the rooftop of their building that summer evening. It was an old neighbourhood in Seoul — not too expensive for two people to share a small flat with 139 steps up a staircase (Yes, Hyunjae forced Jacob to count them one drunk night) — but the summer night breeze, the flickering street lights and the plants scattered around all over the open space made it rawer and more beautiful. Or maybe he just saw everything more beautiful having Hyunjae by his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That just seemed to be the case with everything since he met him in their first year; everything is beautiful and easy and conquerable. And that was still the case even on the old rooftop, with Jacob attempting to burn down his books after all the sleepless nights and crying sessions he had to go through to get where he wanted (and Hyunjae had to witness it as if he did not have his own exams to focus on). Words of encouragement, soft touches to his back and forceful attempts to at least feed him something and squeeze in a few cuddles in between self-doubt and tears were Hyunjae’s way of showing his endless support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything with Hyunjae was beautiful. But not everything was easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunjae’s closet and side of the bathroom were emptied out one night when Jacob had gotten home. His ankles were aching as soon as he slipped his work shoes off, feet padding their way to the bedroom as he undid his tie and took his suit jacket off. He was half undressed, hands unconsciously opening Hyunjae’s shirt drawer to pick a big, comfy t-shirt out that he can lounge in for the rest of the night before knocking out. When he pulled it open, he was faced with emptiness. Shaking his head, Jacob attempted to open the other drawers, one by one until the doors were left open and he was only faced with his clothes. No trace of Hyunjae.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had not realised his cheeks were stained with tears and his breath was heavy. Jacob walked around the room like a lunatic, opening and closing the closet door and drawers in hopes of Hyunjae’s belongings to magically appear before his eyes. But no matter how many times he attempted that, nothing changed. Everything remained empty and lifeless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t allowed to be sad. He initiated this. He wanted this — it was better this way, for both of them. So, why does it feel like his heart was ripped out of his chest and stepped on over and over again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The final time Hyunjae had been over to the flat to pick his last belongings (a few collectors’ mugs he’d gotten over the years, some of which Jacob had surprised him with, and a box filled with memories of them throughout their years together), Jacob was there. He wasn’t supposed to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a Wednesday and he was usually at work by 7 am, suited up and ready to prepare for the first meeting at 9 am in central Seoul. However, today was different. Jacob was sick, having missed the past two days to spend it dying on his sofa. He blamed his lack of energy and will to live on the slight cold he had caught a week ago and done his best to not admit that his heartbreak had anything to do with having a hard time breathing. He did not deserve to pity himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob was uncomfortably sober to his feelings, he knew what he had done and that he had eliminated every point of return with the person he had planned to spend the rest of his life with. When he properly thinks about it, the reality of it all came as a slap in the face. He had spent years arranging his life in accordance with Hyunjae, from the shared home to the joint bank account to the trivial matters of agreeing on the colour of their bedsheets. Now, he thought about it bitterly; the shared home was his alone, the joint bank account was closed and the bed was too empty to sleep in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had started in October, a cold month filled with busy schedules and endless sleepless nights. Somewhere along feeling overwhelmed with work and barely managing his work projects, Jacob had not noticed the way Hyunjae smelled of alcohol each night he came to bed. Jacob did not notice the way Hyunjae was more reserved and spent his days lying on the sofa instead of his home work-office. Jacob wanted to reason that he did not notice because Hyunjae worked from home and that whenever he came home from work, Hyunjae was already finished with his work. He wanted to come up with excuses to justify how he had not noticed his boyfriend slip away between his fingers before he could do anything about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time January came by, and Hyunjae had finally confessed that he had lost his job, it was too late to fix anything. Hyunjae’s drinking habits were a daily activity, too drunk to speak to at night and too hungover to solve any issues in the morning. It felt as if Jacob was living with a stranger, watching as Hyunjae reached the bottom of another liquor bottle that would end up smashed each night they argued. Sweet, loveable, and shy Hyunjae had become someone Jacob did not want to be with. And he had gone months before finally having the courage to end it. As much as he had suffered from seeing Hyunjae completely change and lose every bit of himself to alcohol, Jacob still felt like he had not done enough to keep him grounded, to help him find himself. He was too busy to take care of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sat as a reminder in the lump in his throat and the constant sinking feeling of his heartache. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob knew well enough to not blame himself; that their breakup was inevitable in the way they had spent their last months together. He could not control what had unfolded, and there did not seem to be a light at the end of their tunnel. Life goes on, even when you desperately try to hold on to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, when Jacob had taken the past few days off to heal whatever was left of his broken heart, he had not expected to see the main person who had caused him damage. He wanted to be petty and mean because he had a right to lash out at Hyunjae for being </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> irresponsible and a complete fucking idiot for ruining them. He wanted to finally have the courage to punch him across the face and blame him for everything that had happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jacob was not made that way. Jacob was selfish and hardheaded, but he knew better than to put all the blame on Hyunjae when he was a contributing factor through carelessness and lack of consideration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunjae still had a key to their flat; it was an underlying agreement until Hyunjae moved all of his stuff out. Still, Jacob was not expecting him; in all his misery and anguish and baggy clothes as he made his way around the flat. Hyunjae had not noticed Jacob lying on the sofa, and Jacob took his time to watch him silently. The grey under his eyes matched the hoodie he was wearing, and the bruises on his knuckles looked out of place on the pale skin that was usually delicate and soft around Jacob’s skin. It felt as if he was invading Hyunjae’s privacy by just looking at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Hyunjae sounded out of breath, seemingly taken aback when he caught a glimpse of Jacob. “Shit, sorry, didn’t know you were at home today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob felt ridiculous at the way his stomach sank further at the fact that Hyunjae called the flat home. It was probably a slip-up, or just his unconsciousness. A terminology he was familiar with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I should’ve told you.” There were too many sorrys in the conversation already, a word both of them refused to use a few weeks ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Hyunjae’s gaze roamed around the living room, eyes drifting from the used tissues on the coffee table to the takeout containers that looked like they were close to being rotten. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I’m just a bit sick.” Jacob tried to dismiss his concern. “Don’t mind me, just do whatever you have to do here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Hyunjae was always persistent when it came to him which made Jacob bitterly chuckle; funny when he did not even try to fix anything between them before giving up on Jacob. “I could make you food? Soup, maybe? Or, tea? Anything you need just let me kn-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need you,” Jacob harshly bit back. It was not meant to come out so unpleasant and awful, but his mouth seemed to have its own mind ready to add more fuel to the fire. “That’s not what I meant...you know how I get when I’m sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even when he tried to retract his words, there was some truth to Jacob’s remark. He was always grumpy and moody when he was sick; Hyunjae had witnessed enough of it to know how to handle a sick Jacob.. But with that came knowing Jacob like the back of his hand, and knowing when he was lying right through his teeth. Hyunjae’s nod was a confirmation of him knowing exactly how Jacob meant his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, I think you made it loud and clear that you don’t need me,” Hyunjae muttered back as if he was still lost in it all; as if any of this still made no sense to him. “It’s okay...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sounded like he was convincing himself rather than Jacob. How did they end up here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunjae looked dazed for the rest of the time he was in the flat. It looked as if the fact that he was going to be there for the last time was sinking in for both of them. Jacob could not keep his eyes away from Hyunjae as he silently moved around the space that was once filled with their laughter and warmth, now a bare roof over their heads, incapable of bringing any comfort to neither of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything with Hyunjae was beautiful. Until it was not. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>+++</b>
</p><p>
  <span>As days went by, Jacob spent his days moving with the motion. There was nothing to be excited about, nothing to be motivated to do, and no one to look forward to. Ironically, his life felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>lifeless</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was dull and repetitive, the same routine embedded to his brain that he sometimes does not realise how he made it to work nor how he made it back home. Days went by just like the change of the weather, and he felt like he was still stuck in the early months of the year with his heart just as heavy as it had been for months. He had tried everything to make himself feel something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but nothing seemed to work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When someone walks out of your life, you are often prepared to deal with it. Jacob had prepared himself, as well. He knew well enough to know that once he let go of him, he had to deal with his own overwhelming emotions, but what he had not expected was for his feelings to leave him along with Hyunjae. There was nothing for Jacob to feel, it was pure emptiness in his soul and he could not grasp any form of emotions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob went on with his days hoping he’ll bump into him on a walk around the river, or accidentally see him eat at their favourite restaurant, or even catch a glimpse of him during his bus rides. He felt as if he was searching for someone that was a mere creation of his imagination, long gone and lost in his memories. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not until the flowers started to bloom again and the grass turned green that Jacob heard the first news of Hyunjae’s whereabouts. His name was accidentally mentioned on a lunch date between him, Juyeon and Eric. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I invited Hyunjae hyung to the housewarming party, as well.” Juyeon had innocently told them as he ate his katsu. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eric had noticed the way Jacob had gone completely still, the chopstick in his hands barely holding on to dear life before they fell to the ground. Jacob tried to be nonchalant, pretending that Eric’s glare towards Juyeon was nothing and that the way his heart was ringing in his ears was normal. Juyeon did not seem to realise what he had done until Eric nudged his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Juyeon looked at Jacob pitifully, as if Jacob was some hopeless case. “Is that okay with you, hyung?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Jacob’s voice was high pitched and quick, a forced smile making its way to his plump lips. “It’s you guys’ party anyway, you can invite whoever you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jacob hyung,” Jacob knew none of them meant any ill, but he was tired of being treated like he was about to break any moment, even when that was the exact situation. “We can always can-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! What? Don’t be ridiculous,” Jacob shook his head. “I don’t mind, honestly, and there are a lot of people that are going to be there, anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juyeon and Eric looked at him cautiously before they slowly nodded their heads.</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>+++</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob was hoping that the fact Eric and Juyeon had invited a lot of people to their party would result in him just catching a few glimpses of Hyunjae. Just enough to fuel his curiosity and maybe feel something other than voidness for the first time in months. However, he was far from right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob had gone months imagining what it would be like to see Hyunjae again; he had invented every possible scenario and conversation in his head of how they could meet again and what he would say to Hyunjae. Jacob had created his imaginations with the Hyunjae he knew, the Hyunjae who was the life of the party, and the one who knew how to make everyone fall in love with him by just looking at them in a certain gaze. He knew the Hyunjae he had fallen for years ago, with bright smiles and loud giggles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was out of place to see the Hyunjae in front of his eyes now, and he felt as if he was stepping into prohibited territory the more he tried to look at him without being too obvious. The Hyunjae before him was hesitant and cautious, barely managing to keep his attention on one person as their friends surrounded him with curious questions on his being and whereabouts. He spoke between soft smiles and turned down gazes, hands gripping the coke can in his hands until his knuckles turned white. And whilst he was surrounded by people he knew for years, he still looked out of place as if everything was new to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob was enchanted by this Hyunjae who stood as broad as the one he was used to but looked far from who he knew. It was confusing...had no one spoken to him, either? Jacob never brought Hyunjae up with his friends, and his friends never brought Hyunjae up either. He figured it had to do with sparing Jacob whatever dignity he had left. But, now when he was staring at Hyunjae from the corner of the room, it looked as if Hyunjae had not kept in contact with anyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob tried to not feel guilty but he was not very good at it. Instead, he opted to drink the red wine in his glass and make his way to the balcony with the hopes of the early summer night breeze to knock some sense into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eric and Juyeon had moved into a pretty decent flat; two bedrooms, a spacious living room, and a big enough balcony to have two chairs and a small table. It was cute and suited the couple well. Jacob was too lost in his world, imagining what it would feel like again to live with someone, when the chair next to his scrapped the ground as someone stood beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you mind?” Jacob was not expecting Hyunjae to be next to him, gaze shifting from his eyes to the chair as if to ask if he was allowed to sit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no,” Jacob was quick to shake his head whilst attempting to not choke on his wine. “Go ahead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Hyunjae was still soft-spoken, yet guarded and apprehensive as he took a seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob was confused as to what was happening, thinking that the both of them would go out of their way to avoid each other tonight. But here Hyunjae was, sitting next to him on a balcony with the city view enough to light up his face and make his eyes shimmer like the night stars. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob wanted to speak, utter any of the conversations he had prepared for in his mind in case this moment ever occurred in his life again. But, nothing. Absolutely nothing came out of his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How have you been?” Hyunjae finally broke the silence, curiosity hidden between careful words. He turned his head to the side to look at Jacob, taking in the way his face had become slimmer and rosy cheeks evident as ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay,” Jacob nodded. He was too caught up in Hyunjae </span>
  <em>
    <span>speaking</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him and </span>
  <em>
    <span>talking</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him to even process his own words. “Getting by, but okay. You?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunjae used to always respond before thinking, his mouth and mind practically moving at the same speed. However, that night, Hyunjae took his time to answer. It was a simple question, and yet he seemed to want to be transparent about his answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing better,” He delicately smiled at Jacob and moved his gaze back to the city lights in front of them. Hyunjae seemed to take it all in tonight. “Seoul looks different now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The comment caught Jacob by surprise. “Do you not live here anymore?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Hyunjae shook his head, a small smile still gracing his lips. “I moved a few months ago for work, a few hours away from here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Jacob sounded bothered and borderline upset that he was not informed of any of this when he was sure that the rest of his friends knew about it. He was disappointed and felt stupid for not knowing where Hyunjae had been the past months when they had always told each other everything, but he did not have the right to when he cut off any ties with him. “Still working as a business developer?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Hyunjae chuckled as he dragged the ‘O’, eyes comedically looking terrified. “There is no way I’d go back to that. I’m a freelance project manager now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Jacob could not deny that he was impressed and happy to know Hyunjae was doing good. Even when he was not by his side to witness it. “You have your own business now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea,” He looked proud of himself, happy where he was at life right now. It made the little strings of Jacob’s heart strum again. “I’ve realised that I work better if I’m my own boss.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob nodded in understanding but he could not relate. He was still working under an employer, slowly losing all of himself to his work and the system built around it all. He did not see an ending to it any time soon either. Maybe one day when he can depend on himself more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did not know what else to say to Hyunjae, head in the clouds as he continued to bask in his presence next to him. There was a time when it seemed as if Hyunjae needed Jacob in his life to get by, that whenever something went wrong Jacob was there first to pick up the pieces. That circle had broken that autumn time, where Jacob was too busy to notice that Hyunjae was being ripped apart right in front of his eyes. Hyunjae was selfish to blame Jacob for not being enough, and whilst Jacob had stood his ground and ended things, there was a little part of him that always questioned whether he was the reason for it all crashing down on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whilst it was revealing to see Hyunjae be his own person and find his own path, it still made Jacob’s heart sink that there was no need for him in Hyunjae’s life anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jacob,” He had not heard Hyunjae saying his name in what felt like years. It came out gentle, one word laced with too many emotions for Jacob to put his finger on them. “I’m sorry for dumping all my shit on you before.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Jacob turned his head to properly look at Hyunjae. Still as pretty as he had always been, soft skin and long lashes framing his delicate eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t deserve any of the shit I put you through,” Hyunjae sighed, his hands clasped around his lap as if he was attempting to stop himself from reaching over to touch Jacob. “I shouldn’t be with you because I need you; I should be with you because I want to...and I realised it a bit too late.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jacob could tell that Hyunjae tried to smile off his last sentence as if it had not sounded like he was in agony, the pressed smile intertwined with words of regret and heartbreak that Hyunjae seemed to not be over as much as Jacob. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was ridiculous, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>irresponsible of Jacob to even consider what he was about to ask. But somewhere between finally feeling a little comfort in his soul and the sound of his heart humming for the first time in a while, Jacob still managed to form his question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyunjae,” He waited for Hyunjae to look at him before he continued, gazes never drifting away from each other. “Do you wanna have dinner tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stretch of a bright smile was enough of an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as the city carried on below them, Jacob felt it begin again. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! sorry this was not as good as i wanted it to be :( please leave kudos and comments of your thought, makes it a bit better to post &lt;3 </p><p>You can find me on twt <a href="https://twitter.com/wdzcobi">@wdzcobi</a> and on cc <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/wdzcobi">@wdzcobi</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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